I'm really pissed off at a friend. She's a good friend but she's not very considerate of me. What should I do?

Set some boundaries. Tell her what bothers you in a calm way and explain that you’re not willing to participate in that dynamic. If she disregards your comments, then simply avoid spending time with her. You can tell her that you care about her and that you would really like to see evidence that she cares about you enough to respect your boundaries and feelings.

Now, if there is a chance you’re partly responsible because you don’t tell her that these things bother you, then take responsibility and tell her. When we don’t complain about things that bother us, people assume we’re fine with their

Set some boundaries. Tell her what bothers you in a calm way and explain that you’re not willing to participate in that dynamic. If she disregards your comments, then simply avoid spending time with her. You can tell her that you care about her and that you would really like to see evidence that she cares about you enough to respect your boundaries and feelings.

Now, if there is a chance you’re partly responsible because you don’t tell her that these things bother you, then take responsibility and tell her. When we don’t complain about things that bother us, people assume we’re fine with their behavior. Don’t raise your voice, call names, or shame her. Just factually say that those things bother you and what you’d prefer. If she doesn’t make an effort, then spend less time or no time with her. You have to set your boundaries and keep them. If you don’t, things likely will go on the way they have.

This is a good thing to learn to do now because it will save you heartache in your love life, career, relationships with neighbors and so on throughout your life.

Be honest and upfront with her about how she’s treating you. If she’s as good a friend as you claim her to be, she’ll hear you out and be open to working on being more mindful of how her behavior may negatively affect you.

When you allow people to treat you a certain way that negatively impacts you and you never speak up about it, that’s giving them the impression that it’s ok for them to behave that way and they’ll continue to do so. So just talk with your friend and see if you can get your feelings out there. But also be mindful of how she feels. There could be reasons you may be unaware of f

Be honest and upfront with her about how she’s treating you. If she’s as good a friend as you claim her to be, she’ll hear you out and be open to working on being more mindful of how her behavior may negatively affect you.

When you allow people to treat you a certain way that negatively impacts you and you never speak up about it, that’s giving them the impression that it’s ok for them to behave that way and they’ll continue to do so. So just talk with your friend and see if you can get your feelings out there. But also be mindful of how she feels. There could be reasons you may be unaware of for why she treats you that way. Doesn’t mean it’s ok, but it’s always good to be open-minded on both sides. Good luck.

A cigarette a day kept my tensions away,Then One day i decided to quit smoking.I finally knew it was a momentary fun and something that has ruined my stamina i was drained,smoking a hell lot

Quitting wasn't a easy journey it even made me crave in the middle of night.But one fine day i was addressing a crowd about cancer awareness and how i let things go and developed the tolerance.

so learn to let go things.

She might be your good friend but she could be, not so expressive or maybe she is really not bothered in both the case i don’t think you can do anything much

so let things go !

Talk to them.

Have a serious chat where you tell them that you enjoy being with them but that you sometimes feel that they are being inconsiderate. Do not attack them or be petty, just tell them the truth, give examples if needed.

If she mature or cares enough to be your friends, she is likely to take heed of what you say, even if no one likes to be told when they are wrong. Keep in mind that if she inconsiderate, there is a possibility she does not see you as a good friends the way you see her and she might tell you to fuck off. Or, she might not say much and later just start avoiding you.

It de

Talk to them.

Have a serious chat where you tell them that you enjoy being with them but that you sometimes feel that they are being inconsiderate. Do not attack them or be petty, just tell them the truth, give examples if needed.

If she mature or cares enough to be your friends, she is likely to take heed of what you say, even if no one likes to be told when they are wrong. Keep in mind that if she inconsiderate, there is a possibility she does not see you as a good friends the way you see her and she might tell you to fuck off. Or, she might not say much and later just start avoiding you.

It depends on the issues in question, her emotional maturity, the context of your actual friendship, since we have only heard your side and whether she cares enough to listen or stick around.

A good friend does not ignore their friend.

If she is not considerate of you, depending on whether it was for your good or bad… Will determine whether she is a Good or Bad friend.

Look at how people Treat you.

Because people can lie & sugar coat their words, but their actions tell the Truth.

As actions speak louder than words.”

Tell her how you feel about this. Keeping quiet makes her believe that you are okay with her behaviour. Straight talk breaks no friendship, and a true friend will tell you if there are any peanut butter on your face. You mention that she is a good friend, by what yardstick? I fail to grasp the extent of such friendship. Nevertheless, don't let her off the hook on this one.

Good friend !! Seriously?

If she is really your good friend, you need not think before confronting her with anything. Friends will become close when they share not only the good times, but also the bad times with the problems they face being an open discussion.

Problems will always be there between two people, even if they share the most beautiful bond,but that doesn't mean the other person isn't considerate enough, it's just that you need to have an open and clear discussion of your thought processes to clarify any clashes among yourselves.

Hope you understand.

I have two instances; names are changed.

A little background first: I grew up in a working class family. My parents were children of the depression, and were somewhat frugal. We had everything we needed, but not a lot of excess. My parents, especially dad, really instilled the value of a dollar in us kids. If we wanted something extra, it was on us to figure out how to pay for it. Want a nicer bicycle, or a mini bike, or gas/maintenance for the mini bike? Better earn some money. From about age 11 or 12, I had three customers whose yards I maintained, all four seasons. I also had a paper route (

I have two instances; names are changed.

A little background first: I grew up in a working class family. My parents were children of the depression, and were somewhat frugal. We had everything we needed, but not a lot of excess. My parents, especially dad, really instilled the value of a dollar in us kids. If we wanted something extra, it was on us to figure out how to pay for it. Want a nicer bicycle, or a mini bike, or gas/maintenance for the mini bike? Better earn some money. From about age 11 or 12, I had three customers whose yards I maintained, all four seasons. I also had a paper route (inherited from my older brother), and when it snowed, my friend Rob and I would wonder the neighborhoods, asking people if they wanted us to shovel. And we never named a price, we always told them to give what they felt was fair. We were never stiffed. Note that maintenance on our families yards was expected and unpaid.

First instance: I had a friend named Thomas. We met when I was about 10, and became close friends. We spent lots of time together fishing, camping, stayed at each other’s houses.

One Saturday when I was about 15, I asked if he wanted to hit the local movie theater. He agreed, so we met up. He brought his neighbor/friend, Serge, with him. I didn’t particularly like or dislike Serge. He had a mouth on him, but he didn’t really bother me. We walk to the theater, and as we are about to buy our tickets, Serge says that he doesn’t have enough money, so he’s heading home. I tell Serge that I’ll help him out, and do so. Thomas then says to Serge “See? I told you it would work out”. Thomas said to me that Serge initially didn’t want to go, due to lack of money, but Thomas told him to come along, as “Kindhearted Dave will take care of you”. I was flabbergasted. Truly. I didn’t let on, but realized that my closest friend had taken advantage of me. We drifted away after that. I never said anything to him, but it really hurt.

Second instance: I met Tim when I was in first grade (age 6). I moved across town, we didn’t stay in touch, and re-met each other when I was in sixth grade via a mutual friend, John. The three of us spent a lot of time together for the next few years, sometimes the three of us, other times just with one or the other. At the end of our Junior year of high school, my parents bought me a class ring. This surprised me, as I really didn’t think they would pay for it. I really treasured that ring. I had also bought myself a silver and turquoise ring (with my own money, of course). Nothing gaudy. And hey, this was the seventies, so it was somewhat in style.

One weekend, my parents were away, so I had Tim and John over for a couple beers, nothing wild. I took my rings off and relaxed on the couch. We hung around, shot the breeze. Then we decided to go grab something to eat at the local McDonalds. I look for my rings and can’t find them, Tim helps me look, but no luck. Oh well, I think, I must have left them elsewhere in the house.

As we’re sitting in the parking lot of McDonalds eating, I see my older brother drive in in his pickup truck. Tim and John go running up behind the truck and jump in. As they do so, I heard a metallic clang, but thought nothing of it. My brother snarled at them, they jumped out, had a good laugh, and that was that.

The next day, my brother asked me if I am missing something. I tell him about the rings. He hands them both to me, saying that they were in the bed of his truck. So I find Tim and John, tell them, and ask for an explanation. Tim said that he found my rings as we were getting ready to leave for McDonalds, put them in his pocket, with the intention to give them to me, and “forget “ about them. Sounded REALLY fishy to me, but I foolishly let it slide. After all this was my friend of several years.

Fast forward a week or two, and my rings go missing again. Same players were at my house. Now I drop my denial, and realized that Tim is not my friend, and that he very likely took them again.

A couple months later, I see Tim’s younger brother, and as we’re chatting, I noticed he’s wearing a familiar looking ring (my silver ring). He seems to be trying to keep his hand out of view, so I asked him about it. He became very nervous, stammered something about how he bought it recently, etc. Although I had no proof, I knew it was mine.

Note that Tim had taken another item of mine a couple years prior to this. After I made a fuss, the item suddenly appeared. Tim was known to steal from retail stores, but I didn’t think he would steal from a friend.

This happened about forty years ago. John remains a very close friend, and has always been trustworthy, and has had my back on numerous occasions. I dropped Tim as a friend, as he apparently never was one to begin with. Despite being quite talented (artistically) from a young age, Tim went down a self destructive path. He works in a crappy job, and spends his money on alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and hookers. I have avoided contact with him for decades.

Caution - Might be a long answer.

I’d like to talk about the “Best friend” first a bit. After that we may move on to differentiating them.

A “best friend” in my opinion is that person (not just some person, they mean very very much to you) whom you feel absolutely emotionally connected with, you don’t need to talk to communicate mostly, just you both have a way of your own, your connection is so strong that can’t be explained so easily.

Whenever you look around yourselves finding who actually are always there with you, you will find your best friend. Now, you may also find other people always sup

Caution - Might be a long answer.

I’d like to talk about the “Best friend” first a bit. After that we may move on to differentiating them.

A “best friend” in my opinion is that person (not just some person, they mean very very much to you) whom you feel absolutely emotionally connected with, you don’t need to talk to communicate mostly, just you both have a way of your own, your connection is so strong that can’t be explained so easily.

Whenever you look around yourselves finding who actually are always there with you, you will find your best friend. Now, you may also find other people always supporting you (Your parents of course!) no matter what the conditions be, you will always find a best friend in that person. Your mum, your dad, your guardians, your buddy for life, aren’t they all present with you? I wouldn’t mind saying that they are indeed your best friends.

Considering a friend, it’s that person whom you whenever come across, you feel affection, cheerfulness and a sense of familiarity. You greet them, shake hands or hug maybe. They do the same, whenever they see you. But on the counterpart you know too that they don’t know you as much (They feel the same about you.). And you know deep within that they are not someone who you would count on to in difficult times (because otherwise, everyone relishes happy moments).

A Close friend however is the same friend you met earlier, but now you two share a much stronger bond with an increased feeling of selflessness, affection and care. You became close friends because of probably two reasons -

  1. Maybe you two got along really well, didn’t get into any issues or arguments, and liked hanging out with each other and wanted to know a bit more about each other.
  2. OR, the opposite might have happened, you might have got into an argument or misunderstanding, but then you both managed to reach out to each other and sort it out, realizing it wasn’t as it seemed earlier and maybe you both should get to know each other a bit more. So you decided to hangout with each other more than ever to realize you both have become really really close friends.

Times passed and now you have a close friend with you, and got to know each other more deeply revealing more secrets about each other. You find out that the bond between you two has really built up over time and now you can count on each other in both happy as well as difficult times, sad times. You now care more about each other in day to day lives and activities. Now sometimes it may happen that you both may go over weeks not seeing each other or talking to each other but, both of you know deep within that the person is just a call away, and will give come up to help you anytime and YOU are ready to do the same for them. Now isn’t this the point of time where you find them always around you(not physically, but emotionally) and you can count on them? Hasn’t that person become the best friend we were talking about a bit earlier? And hasn’t it happened already with you (your mom? dad? that buddy for life? or a teacher maybe?)?

So we might come to conclusion that A best friend is the one who has been with you the longest, known you longest( you have known them the longest too), have been there forever and always will be there forever. A friend, a close friend and a best friend are nothing but your connection with that person at different instances of time, experience and understanding?

Hi Anon,

Well, you've got a fair share of shitty friends. I got you. At least I got the shitty friends part.

Listen no ones perfect. We all have our issues. We all make mistakes.

But nothing I mean nothing excuses harming another person. No issue in the world makes it okay to emotionally use and abuse another's trust, kindness or time.

You need to cut them out immediately. There is no way to "save" these friendships because these have never been true friendships.

Friendships inspire you and bring you higher.

Stop contact.
Set boundaries.
Focus on your needs.
Deal with your depression.
Counselin

Hi Anon,

Well, you've got a fair share of shitty friends. I got you. At least I got the shitty friends part.

Listen no ones perfect. We all have our issues. We all make mistakes.

But nothing I mean nothing excuses harming another person. No issue in the world makes it okay to emotionally use and abuse another's trust, kindness or time.

You need to cut them out immediately. There is no way to "save" these friendships because these have never been true friendships.

Friendships inspire you and bring you higher.

Stop contact.
Set boundaries.
Focus on your needs.
Deal with your depression.
Counseling saves lives.
Reach out to others.

Both "friends" are emotional manipulators. They will continue to use you until you are of no use anymore then they will desert you.

You deserve respect, honesty, loyalty. You deserve someone with integrity.

You seem like a very forgiving person who tries to see the best in others.

Bob's behavior has shocked you because you have an image of who he is in your head. You're having a hard time facing who he really is.

You're wondering how your "friend" could do that? Especially to someone you care for.

Bob isn't who you believe he is.
He's shown you exactly who he is.
You know how he treats you and others is wrong.

Would you want Bob to be in your brother's, sister's, child's, mother's or father's life?

You can't save, change or help either of them. They don't want help. They dont want to change.

They aren't like you.

No one wants to believe someone they love hurts them on purpose but that exactly what's happening.

Stop making excuses.
Stop accepting bad behavior.
Stop letting people who hurt you stay in your life.
Stop lying to yourself.

You need to be honest.
See Bob for how he really is.
See Luke for how he really is.
Start respecting your feelings.

Your feelings are valid.

You are suffering.
You can make it stop.
You can make it better.

Its going to hurt like hell, cutting them out of your life. They'll probably react badly and try to "get even."

I've been here. I am here. I ended a friendship 6 months ago. She mistreated me and betrayed my trust.
She manipulated me and when I stood up and walked away she became angry. She lied to me and about me. She twisted the story and made me into the bad guy. She used people I care about against me. She accused me of her own behavior.

And even though it has been horrible. I would take my life without her over any life with her.

She tore me down to make herself feel and look better.

As soon as I ended the friendship I felt free. Of course I felt sad. But I was free.

No more bullshit, no more drama, no more negativity.

I deserve better and I fought for myself. And now i can honestly say I'm better. I'm surviving.

Scratch that.

I'm thriving.

You know the friendships need to end. That's why you are here.
You know already.
Trust your gut.

Understand, we are responsible for our own choices.

You can not control another person's behavior or actions.

You do not need to compromise yourself to be loved.

You do not need to condition yourself to be treated right.

You are human.
You are worthy.
You deserve it already.

You can not make Bob or Luke treat you better.

I bet if you honestly looked... you allow other toxic people in your life too.

That's the keyword ALLOW.,

You allow this to continue.

If you can't cut them out completely then limit contact.

Research:
Toxic people
Codependency
Emotional Manipulation
Setting Boundaries

*I lost more friends afterwards but I realized all I lost and let go were toxic people.

People who either brought me down or let others bring me down.

Any life without them will be a better life than with them.

If you trust anything I say trust in the truth that you deserve better.

You are afraid of being alone so you are holding on to "friendships" that don't honor or respect you.

The reality is that, if a friendship doesn't match your own requirements, it is you who is giving up on those requirements - in this case, people not being mean to you - which is a completely legitimate requirement to establish. "You need to accept that friends can be mean to you whenever they want", said no one ever.

So the truth is that the answer depends on what you willing to tolerate for yourself. Right now you are tolerating friends who are mean to you, at your own expense.

Perhaps you can

You are afraid of being alone so you are holding on to "friendships" that don't honor or respect you.

The reality is that, if a friendship doesn't match your own requirements, it is you who is giving up on those requirements - in this case, people not being mean to you - which is a completely legitimate requirement to establish. "You need to accept that friends can be mean to you whenever they want", said no one ever.

So the truth is that the answer depends on what you willing to tolerate for yourself. Right now you are tolerating friends who are mean to you, at your own expense.

Perhaps you can change, ask for your "friends" not to be mean, or even react in a different way, to show that you don't want to be treated this way. This is all viable. But personally I'm not a big fan of solutions that imply "talk to them". This is only viable is the relationships were built in an equal-to-equal, honor-based way in the first place. This is not the case, as you're in a weak negotiating position to begin with.

In human-to-human relationships much of the interaction and conversation is not verbal: it's your attitude, your mood, your perception of yourself, your self-perceived value, and your tolerance, or intolerance, for what you are willing to accept for yourself. It's how you carry yourself. It's not really about your friends or other people, it's always about yourself, you see.

In this sort of situation I find that, most often, the lesson is not to negotiate or have a conversation with abusive friends, but instead it's for the person to stand for himself, not allow abuse, and trade all sub-par friends for a) either being alone, or b) to only accept friends that honor who the person is. You have to release your need to have friends. You might still be afraid of being lonely, but by releasing the need anyway you'll be free.

Hmm. That is very misleading. Well, I think that your friend is trying to be nice but doesn’t want to get too involved with your issues. He/She may have been feeling guilty for saying mean things to you and now that he/she apologized, that weight has been lifted. Your friend supports you and wishes for your welfare, but doesn’t really want to get involved. She may just be avoiding the mental topic issue, not you.

This is just my personal advice but don’t talk to your friends about your mental problems. You can tell them that you have certain issues and stuff but don’t ask for their “attention”.

Hmm. That is very misleading. Well, I think that your friend is trying to be nice but doesn’t want to get too involved with your issues. He/She may have been feeling guilty for saying mean things to you and now that he/she apologized, that weight has been lifted. Your friend supports you and wishes for your welfare, but doesn’t really want to get involved. She may just be avoiding the mental topic issue, not you.

This is just my personal advice but don’t talk to your friends about your mental problems. You can tell them that you have certain issues and stuff but don’t ask for their “attention”. Mental problems can’t be solved over one night. It takes a very long time. In fact I don’t think you can perfectly cure it. It’s more about controlling it.

Talking to your friends about how depressed you feel, anxious, etc. can really affect their mental health as well. At first maybe not but sooner or later they will start feeling depressed as well. This is because they can’t help you. They can’t help you from not feeling anxious, or depressed. It just happens.

I suggest you to talk to a counselor about your mental issues. With your friend talk about something you two have in common. Talk about something fun. See how your friend reacts. If she/he still keeps avoiding you then find someone else. I’m sure there are plenty of others who would like to befriend you !

If you’re asking this question, maybe it really is time.

Life is too short for bad friends.

With that said, I never find the drama worth totally burning a bridge and having a full blown friend “break up”. I tend to just distance myself, which gives me an opportunity to take a look at who I am today and what kind of friends I’d like. It also gives me the space and available schedule to spend time with new friends.

I am of the opinion that people are inherently good, and try not to carry around a resentment when someone has hurt me. It has much more to do with what’s going on with them inside, alth

If you’re asking this question, maybe it really is time.

Life is too short for bad friends.

With that said, I never find the drama worth totally burning a bridge and having a full blown friend “break up”. I tend to just distance myself, which gives me an opportunity to take a look at who I am today and what kind of friends I’d like. It also gives me the space and available schedule to spend time with new friends.

I am of the opinion that people are inherently good, and try not to carry around a resentment when someone has hurt me. It has much more to do with what’s going on with them inside, although it’s ok to be hurt that it has affected you. You can learn from being offended about your own values, which makes you more confident in yourself the next time around.

I have a very difficult friendship with someone I have known since 6th grade, my longest friendship. There have been multiple periods in our lives where I have considered her to be a less than stellar friend, and we have distanced ourselves, sometimes for years. And then we go through phases where we have things in common and we’re friendly again. I don’t think we would ever be best friends again because I cannot rely on her, but because I didn’t burn the bridge I still have an aquantaince type relationship with someone I have known for more than half my life, and I value that.

Since you’re asking this question, it sounds like you may also have someone in your life who isn’t being a friend to you. I hope you give yourself some space and be a good friend to yourself. There are plenty of other people out there who are looking for a friend like you.