I'm afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of opening my heart to the emotional pain of loving someone and being rejected by them. What should I do?

I won't come here and give you positive cliche advice and tell you that
"you'll find someone someday"
because only people who have been loved says that. For people who have never been loved by anyone , they will never understand that. It's like asking a person to eat something that he or she has never tasted before, thus unsure of the taste of the food.

Love to me is not a game, it's a gamble. Either the winner takes all or you lose everything(when I mean everything, not your fortune, but you'll lose yourself in the process). I was once like you, I was rejected multiple times , and I hit roc

I won't come here and give you positive cliche advice and tell you that
"you'll find someone someday"
because only people who have been loved says that. For people who have never been loved by anyone , they will never understand that. It's like asking a person to eat something that he or she has never tasted before, thus unsure of the taste of the food.

Love to me is not a game, it's a gamble. Either the winner takes all or you lose everything(when I mean everything, not your fortune, but you'll lose yourself in the process). I was once like you, I was rejected multiple times , and I hit rock bottom. It hurts more being rejected than being dumped.
Being constantly rejected means you're not loved by anyone , while being dumped at least shows that you "were" loved by someone.

But If you decide to continue to remain in your current state, I can't stop you or change your mind. I was rejected by the person I love the most , she was "the one" for me. Until now, I couldn't forget her and I couldn't bring myself to love another woman. I'm not doing this because I'm afraid , I'm doing this because I don't have the right to love other women while I already have another woman in my mind. Do you think it's fair for a woman to be a man's partner when he already has another woman in his mind all the time? No, it isn't.

I admit, I do have other partners after meeting my soulmate. But truthfully, I never fell in love with anyone of them. They were just there for my sexual and emotional needs. Yes, I am a despicable man for doing such things. But I'm being fair here, I would rather cut things short than dragging the relationship and mislead those poor women.

Welcome to the human condition.

Fear, avoidance. Love, joy. You choose!

I think a life never having taken the risk of love / love lost - isn’t a very juicy life.

We all eventually lose love (pets die, family dies, people move far away, people choose ‘other’..).. do we wish that we never would have loved when we lose love? Nope! We feel as though we would do it all over again for just 1 more day of love.

Love is life. When you have pain from losing love; that IS love.

Let yourself feel.

No one wants to get hurt. However, it beats the prison that you live in, when you live in fear.

Take chances, allow

Welcome to the human condition.

Fear, avoidance. Love, joy. You choose!

I think a life never having taken the risk of love / love lost - isn’t a very juicy life.

We all eventually lose love (pets die, family dies, people move far away, people choose ‘other’..).. do we wish that we never would have loved when we lose love? Nope! We feel as though we would do it all over again for just 1 more day of love.

Love is life. When you have pain from losing love; that IS love.

Let yourself feel.

No one wants to get hurt. However, it beats the prison that you live in, when you live in fear.

Take chances, allow love in your heart, and share your heart with as many people as you can. The only thing that is going to matter here - in this life - is how much you love. No one ever lays on their deathbed saying “oh, I was lucky to avoid love my whole life. Whew!! good thing I didn’t fall in love with anyone and lose that and get hurt. oh boy!!” Imagine it, Right? To truly live, is to love. So whip open the curtains to the infinite love-space inside your soul - and fall in love with as many things, people and beauteous moments as you can.

Go slow, and get to know them. However. It doesn’t matter if you go slow or not. It’s the fact of “ leaving” the person, and “ staying” with “ ONE” person, and being “ LOYAL” as well.

I have seen sensual people who are affectionate who are sensual but.. love each other’s mind while in the process of getting to know them. It doesn’t matter if you go with the flow.

A jerk will cheat on you, and hurt you anyway. It’s the morals, and the past relationship he’s had in the past, and this goes vice versa. While you’re making out you can always.. do some things without making out all the time. How about

Go slow, and get to know them. However. It doesn’t matter if you go slow or not. It’s the fact of “ leaving” the person, and “ staying” with “ ONE” person, and being “ LOYAL” as well.

I have seen sensual people who are affectionate who are sensual but.. love each other’s mind while in the process of getting to know them. It doesn’t matter if you go with the flow.

A jerk will cheat on you, and hurt you anyway. It’s the morals, and the past relationship he’s had in the past, and this goes vice versa. While you’re making out you can always.. do some things without making out all the time. How about going to the movies or going to a concert, and other things. It takes 2 to tango.

The thing.. is you gotta drop your “ walls” when you find the right person to.. set your heart on.

Trial and Error.

You’re going to have to try it out,and if it’s done. I suggest dumping them to prevent the rejection, and if you get rejected. Understand.. that it’s a part of life. That’s why.. the guy is suppose to chase a girl if he’s interested, and even.. that can go sour.

Make sure you’re compatible with the mind, and who knows.. if it’s sour it will end up sour, and or it might end up good.

Either.. way you can be with someone for yrs, and fall apart. Some people are physically attracted, and hasn’t found that person that “ wows” them. A person has to find you physically attractive, and like your.. Mind which is your “ mental” state, and like your religious views, and like your kindness etc ( emotions).

Though.. I would start going slow, that’s if you don’t know each other. It saves, and prevents less heart ache when you know it’s personality before sleeping with them.

Love,

Angela

I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten a paper cut. Oh! the sheer agony! But guess what? I have never let that stop me from going to school and reading books, never let it stop me from working at the library.

If I decide tomorrow that I am going to live a paperless life, I’d have to give up going to school, working at the library, drawing, Using tea bags etc. Despite the positive environmental impact, My life would suck! However, I can also decide to continue being the daredevil I am. Except this time around I am a little more cautious, a little more observant, a little more honest (with

I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten a paper cut. Oh! the sheer agony! But guess what? I have never let that stop me from going to school and reading books, never let it stop me from working at the library.

If I decide tomorrow that I am going to live a paperless life, I’d have to give up going to school, working at the library, drawing, Using tea bags etc. Despite the positive environmental impact, My life would suck! However, I can also decide to continue being the daredevil I am. Except this time around I am a little more cautious, a little more observant, a little more honest (with myself and others), and pick up other lessons to implement in my life along the way. Cause life is for living and sure, sometimes that means getting paper cuts. But, that also means having a lot of wonderful experiences and getting better at how to heal those darn paper-cuts!

It all boils down to the fact that one guarantees only bitterness while the other opens you up to the most painful and beautiful experiences life has to offer.Take it from me, you’re better off taking the latter.

I Hope you can find the courage to not let your past pains jade you because as sucky as people can be, a lot of pretty awesome people took time out of their day to answer your questions *ahem ahem*.

Best Wishes!

You should love yourself always. never reject you just because someone else may doesn't mean that you need to. its not really that personal although its hard to not take it that way. It may take time to put yourself in someone else's shoes to see how they see things with you, how they feel. but never value yourself according to someone elses scale or evaluation alone. other's merits likely have faults , biases and whatever else that gets in the way.

And if you can't and or don't even love yourself , how the hell will someone else ? it just won't work.

think the answer is somewhere in between the

You should love yourself always. never reject you just because someone else may doesn't mean that you need to. its not really that personal although its hard to not take it that way. It may take time to put yourself in someone else's shoes to see how they see things with you, how they feel. but never value yourself according to someone elses scale or evaluation alone. other's merits likely have faults , biases and whatever else that gets in the way.

And if you can't and or don't even love yourself , how the hell will someone else ? it just won't work.

think the answer is somewhere in between the two extreme options you mentioned.

You can still guard your heart while allowing a person in. make them earn it though. and I know how you feel. I feel the same and I think im crushing on someone who is just like this. its heart wrenching because it seems hopeless we will ever get anywhere. but I have hope and I have faith. Baby steps..Baby steps. I think she is totally worth it.

Be alone! Don't follow the herd! Become a fucking warrior with a steel heart surrounded by landmines! They are all human, they will all lie, manipulate, cheat and use you for their one specific purpose. Date and have fun! It's all just chemicals and feel good drugs in the brain! Don't be a stat! You have been manipulated and brainwashed since birth to believe in fairytales, it's not reality! Trust me I've searched the hay for 30 years,,,,,, there is no needle!

If you carry that type of attitude the day you do find someone amazing then things won't work out.
You have built up insecurities and that can keep you from being happy, and thus it will make your significant other insecure as well.
Be hopeful! You will find someone one day! but make sure to carry the best most positive attitude. Of course it can be difficult considering what you've gone through but for the sake of the person who will love you some day, try as hard as you can. Love is precious, treat it as such. It isn't something to be feared. Best of luck! (:

Gee...for one thing you need to grow some confidence and courage. I found this new book on Amazon on relationships below and when I looked at the two red heels on the cover all I saw was an "X" because that is all my heart could feel. Then after reading the book, freaked me out, I could see the "Heart." The story is written in a way that tumbled my world in a good way...I am pretty messed up and need to fix me first rather than looking for love...it will find me!

Build a friendship, be mentally intimate first and one day your gut will tell you that you are ready. Please don't push yourself as many are pursuing love and a relationship. That rarely works, even it turns into a marriage, they'd say it takes so much works

In my opinion, a good relationship does not take a lot of work as in sacrifices. That's why a friendship would be a solid base to hone a mutual trust and objectively measure both compabilities. If the guy can't wait and get disappeared in 6 .months? Please let him go. You should never start from a place of insecurities or take a plunge beca

Build a friendship, be mentally intimate first and one day your gut will tell you that you are ready. Please don't push yourself as many are pursuing love and a relationship. That rarely works, even it turns into a marriage, they'd say it takes so much works

In my opinion, a good relationship does not take a lot of work as in sacrifices. That's why a friendship would be a solid base to hone a mutual trust and objectively measure both compabilities. If the guy can't wait and get disappeared in 6 .months? Please let him go. You should never start from a place of insecurities or take a plunge because everyone is doing it. They do it wrong. Go slow and keep your eyes open. That's the only right way to start a relationship.

I am going to assume that you feel that way because you have been hurt and betrayed by people that you loved. To me it is obvious that if you would not have been hurt you would not feel that way.

As a result of your great pain, you are now afraid that it will happen again, and how can anyone blame you? I would not want to feel that pain either. As a matter of fact, I really don’t want to be betrayed again either.

What you are doing is throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It is like refusing to use fire to warm you up because you got burned by fire. So you freeze your little butt off, and su

I am going to assume that you feel that way because you have been hurt and betrayed by people that you loved. To me it is obvious that if you would not have been hurt you would not feel that way.

As a result of your great pain, you are now afraid that it will happen again, and how can anyone blame you? I would not want to feel that pain either. As a matter of fact, I really don’t want to be betrayed again either.

What you are doing is throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It is like refusing to use fire to warm you up because you got burned by fire. So you freeze your little butt off, and suffer in the cold because you can’t handle the pain of being burned again by the fire. Who can blame you?

To make the problem even worse, when you are afraid to get hurt again, you somehow attract exactly the kind of person that will hurt you again. Thus, fulfilling your self proclaimed prophecy, and saying “See, I told you so.” Your kinda stuck in a maze that has no beginning, but even worse, no end.

I think you have two choices, and since you are an adult, (I hope) and can make your own choice, I would not allow anyone else to make that choice for you.

Choice one: Never go near anyone that you may fall in love with. If you see love coming, run like hell, stay safe. Life alone is really not the worse thing in the world. You can find many other things to do with friends, and you can enjoy many other things alone.

Choice two: Heal you pain of past experiences. Go deep within yourself and tap into your deep down knowing that you are love-able. That you deserve to be loved in a great relationship. Perhaps you can even learn to love yourself more. Most people that are devastated by betrayal end up feeling pretty crappy about themselves. But don’t do it alone, find someone you like and work with them. Build up your self confidence and self worth. Learn how to evaluate people so that when you dare to embark in another relationship you will be much smarter in who you chose. You will not put up with the little abuses that point to inevitable betrayal. Yes, you may get hurt, obviously there are no guarantees in life, but you will be much better equipped to handle it like a loving and love-able human being.

I'm going to try and sum up with some practical points, to build upon what others have already (wisely) said.

Don't trust too soon.

Others have said this and I agree. You might be wondering how exactly you build a relationship while being distrustful, but it can be done.

  • The key is to keep some distance between you and the person. You can feel strongly for them and love them like crazy while you're together, but resist spending all your time in their presence. Step back from them regularly and assess what you feel about them and how they've been acting towards you. When you're close to a perso

I'm going to try and sum up with some practical points, to build upon what others have already (wisely) said.

Don't trust too soon.

Others have said this and I agree. You might be wondering how exactly you build a relationship while being distrustful, but it can be done.

  • The key is to keep some distance between you and the person. You can feel strongly for them and love them like crazy while you're together, but resist spending all your time in their presence. Step back from them regularly and assess what you feel about them and how they've been acting towards you. When you're close to a person all the time you get swept up in the emotion of it and end up ignoring the red flags. Ask yourself: do their actions match their words? Have they done anything to make you feel wary, even if you can't pinpoint exactly what?
  • Which leads me to: use your intuition. Your gut feeling about people is often right. And again, being able to do this well comes down to having the time and breathing space to step away from the person and really pay attention to how you feel.

Take care of yourself first.

In order to have honest, healthy relationships, you have to look after yourself first. If you're dependent on another person, you're giving them the power to hurt you. Not even because they necessarily want to or intend to, but because they might take their love or support or whatever it is you depend on them for away.

The more independent you are, the harder it is for others to hurt you, because no matter what they do you will still be OK with yourself. And you'll still be OK by yourself.

Develop your sense of self worth.

Similarly, while you have to be able to look after yourself, you also have to value yourself.

This is an important one because the more you value yourself, the less likely you are to allow people who want to take advantage of you into your life. The kind of people who will hurt you or break your trust often do not come into your life by accident. They see that you lack self-esteem or lack self-worth, and they prey on it.

And lastly:

Be willing to take some of the blame.

This may sound harsh. I don't know your exact circumstances or what happened to you. But each and every one of us is wronged by someone else at some time or another.

The only thing we can control is how we respond to the wrongdoing.

That is your power. You can choose to see yourself as a victim, or you can choose to reflect on whatever happened, decide whether you could have acted differently yourself, and if so choose to act differently in the future.

You may reflect on the experience and come to the conclusion that you really weren't at any fault, you weren't participating in the problem in any way, and even so - you can still choose to move on, learn from the experience, and decide not to see yourself as a victim. And then, simply move on to the steps above and go about your life. :)