How do you deal with knowing that you are replaceable for someone that you're terrified of losing instead?

About the notion of 'Replaceability' :

Just the terminology used in this question seems to point to a somewhat unhealthy relationship dynamic :/

It's not that all people are 'replaceable'. Some people however, can find it easy to replace others in their life as they may lack emotion (psychopaths and narcissists, for example).

Avoidant abusers (who may be narcissists or psychopaths as well) can make their partner feel 'replaceable' (or expendible), while codependents (who can be insecure) can feel that they 'cannot live without' their 'love'.

Unequal Relationships :

One can try to endure such relat

About the notion of 'Replaceability' :

Just the terminology used in this question seems to point to a somewhat unhealthy relationship dynamic :/

It's not that all people are 'replaceable'. Some people however, can find it easy to replace others in their life as they may lack emotion (psychopaths and narcissists, for example).

Avoidant abusers (who may be narcissists or psychopaths as well) can make their partner feel 'replaceable' (or expendible), while codependents (who can be insecure) can feel that they 'cannot live without' their 'love'.

Unequal Relationships :

One can try to endure such relationships even though it can be emotionally unhealthy - one can feel possessive, insecure and fearful, while their partner can be avoidant and present a constant possibility of leaving (even if they don't actually do so). Holding the 'power' card - as the partner with 'lesser desire' for the relationship - they can have license to be selfish and have their own way in the relationship all the time if they wish, while the more fearful partner may be continually compromising and sacrificing in order to 'preserve' the relationship they value so much.

Some worthwhile questions to ponder over are, if the a person considers their partner 'replaceable', why are they in that relationship in the first place? Could they not find anyone 'better'? Are they being exploitative? (ie. taking advantage for some 'time pass' and 'fun')? Do they feel a secret satisfaction in being 'needed' or being 'powerful' (in a relationship where the other fears to lose them, while they feel invulnerable)?

If you like someone so much that you feel you will go through a lot of grief upon their loss, while they feel 'nothing' (or comparatively less) about losing you - it suggests that a person whom you value a great deal, seems to feel a lack of value for you.

So how do you deal with this situation?

A. If you are in such a situation, you must be sure that the plus points of having that relationship experience with such a 'valued' individual, is worth it. ie.

1. That the relationship is so good that it is worth being in a situation where you are doing most of the compromising so they can have their way (in order to 'preserve' the relationship),

as well as

2. That the relationship is so good that it is worth the heartache of the relationship someday ending without the 'valued' partner feeling much grief themselves over losing you.

To be honest, what you just said is bullshit.

Let me explain myself! With all due respect, that perspective seems of someone who's probably in the more giving side of the relationship. It doesn't matter how confident the other half seems to be, or how disengaged from what you believe to be one of the most important things of your life at the moment. I guarantee you this: the dude or dudette you're referring will feel absolutely everything one's to expect after breaking up. I guess we all tend to cover up these vulnerable images of ourselves, but at the end of the day, a bitter heart pumping lif

To be honest, what you just said is bullshit.

Let me explain myself! With all due respect, that perspective seems of someone who's probably in the more giving side of the relationship. It doesn't matter how confident the other half seems to be, or how disengaged from what you believe to be one of the most important things of your life at the moment. I guarantee you this: the dude or dudette you're referring will feel absolutely everything one's to expect after breaking up. I guess we all tend to cover up these vulnerable images of ourselves, but at the end of the day, a bitter heart pumping lifeless blood into a seemingly lifeless body is there for everybody, even for those who immediately run to other bodies hoping to find some heat to sink in.

The best thing you can do in this situation is give yourself time to realize how fucked up one must be to hide such emotions from oneself. But again, we all must endure it our own way.

Keep it real!

I Ugh I've been in your shoes, the problem is one of teo things 1. Your clinically depressed or 2. Your situation is similar to mine was at one time. If so ,right now the person you are when you are with someone who you feel unworthy of love is not the person is just the shell of the real you. This person has found a weak link inside of you. The fear that you are feeling is coming from within. It could be a distant memory from either your soul or buried emotions from your current childhood that remembers a time of feeling unworthy of paternal love …

Although you thought you had overcome the sad

I Ugh I've been in your shoes, the problem is one of teo things 1. Your clinically depressed or 2. Your situation is similar to mine was at one time. If so ,right now the person you are when you are with someone who you feel unworthy of love is not the person is just the shell of the real you. This person has found a weak link inside of you. The fear that you are feeling is coming from within. It could be a distant memory from either your soul or buried emotions from your current childhood that remembers a time of feeling unworthy of paternal love …

Although you thought you had overcome the sadness of your inner child you have not. this person You think you love has triggered those feelings to rear their ugly head. You can acceot this pain as a gift or let it continue to control you. If you open your eyes from the inside you will see is this person is in your life to teach you self worth. Its a fucked up way to find self worth by feeling devalued isnt it? But i have a feelinv you like to learn the hard way like i do. So you have created a scenario ,you have invited this person into your life. You have showered them with affection and love and this person only takes from you. You are receving crumbs compared to the amount of love you are giving. This person isnt blatantly mean to you they enjoy everything you do for them yet they often pass over you for something/ someone else. You tell yourself your done, your better than this treatment over and over but yet you dont really belueve it. Mostly because any mistake you make out of desperation of acceprance is the same as a child who acts out to get attention even its its negative any reaction is better thsn no reaction. Doing this over and over decreases your self worth and if you dont care about yourself this person you love certainly isnt going to care about you for you right? So here comes the lesson …. STOP IT , GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THEIR ASS AND RISE ABOVE THIS SAD PERSON YOU'VE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BECOME IS NOT THE REAL YOU!!

If you have to call a parent to face your childhood battle wounds then do it. You must go back to find whoever it was that made you feel unworthy. If you simply can not face them at least do it on paper. Write about it every single detail of every moment you remember. Once you do you will see it was never you that was the problem. IT WAS NEVER YOU!

ONCE you do this this person you are worshipping will come down off their pedestal. They will either appreciate the new you or they won't in which case you won t have a need for them in your life anymore because your not looking for love from broken people any more.

You should take comfort in that: that means your relationship was purely about your mutual feelings for each other, and in that way you know it was genuine and real, which is more than some ever experience, single or not.
How did Shakespeare put it?

"'T'is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

(Of course, "better" doesn't necessarily imply anything "good," but that's neither here nor there)

Congratulations!

Follow these guidelines and your feelings of regret and sadness should go away

Its normal to feel sad, and to be down over a breakup, however, there is hope and you have chance to overcome this.

Here is my bullet point program to get over a girl I like and or someone who I have been in a romantic relationship with as it never fails. Delete her/his number immediately and BLOCK (this is available on most iPhone and Galaxy's. Block her/his social media accounts so you won't be TEMPTED to find out what that person is doing late at night or look at photos to remind yourself of your miserable guilt.

Follow these guidelines and your feelings of regret and sadness should go away

Its normal to feel sad, and to be down over a breakup, however, there is hope and you have chance to overcome this.

Here is my bullet point program to get over a girl I like and or someone who I have been in a romantic relationship with as it never fails. Delete her/his number immediately and BLOCK (this is available on most iPhone and Galaxy's. Block her/his social media accounts so you won't be TEMPTED to find out what that person is doing late at night or look at photos to remind yourself of your miserable guilt.

Finding a hobby is important, once you do this and keep yourself busy you won't have time to think about that person. Make sure you go out with a friend and try your best to not go out alone, like drink at a bar by yourself.

Go on many dates as possible before you feel like you've finally cleared your head of those depressing thoughts and you'll regain your confidence back.

Lastly, you'd be surprised at this number but there are 7 billion people on the planet, I know right? That's crazy, but that just goes to show that everyone is replaceable and don't think that you aren't either.

By following these steps and suggestions you'll rid yourself of that crappy feeling and your ex will pretty much be non existent in your life. There really is no need to feel like you need to go back. P.S. - Be careful with dating apps if you are a woman as you'll be overwhelmed with the amount of guys wanting to get in your pants.

I am not into the candy-coated, suicide-prevention style pep talk here, as his is a very valid question, to anyone who has felt it, and I have definitely felt what you are feeling. So I will spare you the bit about not relying on the approval of others to validate your existance, because you asking this question shows me that you would not so easily just become completely self-preserving, it doesn’t work that way for carring individuals. We think too much. Like about feeling replacable, and some people never think about it. In fact, I am currently trying to not think about it, until I read you

I am not into the candy-coated, suicide-prevention style pep talk here, as his is a very valid question, to anyone who has felt it, and I have definitely felt what you are feeling. So I will spare you the bit about not relying on the approval of others to validate your existance, because you asking this question shows me that you would not so easily just become completely self-preserving, it doesn’t work that way for carring individuals. We think too much. Like about feeling replacable, and some people never think about it. In fact, I am currently trying to not think about it, until I read your question. But that is what you do: just don’t think about it. That is all you CAN do. Until someone makes you feel special again some day. I am waiting too, so we can not think about it together. Because, if you feel that way it is only because you are thinking about it, and anyone would feel that way if they really thougt about it. Do you think your loved ones consider themselves completely necessary to the existance of others. Bottom line is that no matter who I have been in a relationship with, if I had died, they would not remain celibate. So I can think about it until I am stuck in a whole crying and making nobody feel better, or I can try to be someone that although replacable, tops them all, and is unforgetable. And keep in mind how this feels enough that you make sure your loved ones always know how important they are to you. Try to make them feel important. That is a great way to feel like you are irreplaceable. Listen to people and try to find ways to make them happy. Ways that show you really put alot of thought into it. When you go out of your way to make someone else happy, you can rest assured they value you in their lives. ( unless your kids have entitlement issues). No one else does that kinda stuff anymore. So Shine. Or distract yourself. I am combining the two. But we are here for a reason, if we hang in there, I guese we will find out.

I don’t know if any of this is scientific fact that they’re emotionally unavailable but here’s what I’ve picked up on from my experiences:

  • The conversation revolves around them the majority of the time or they rarely ask you questions about yourself. You feel like you constantly need to volunteer information about yourself because they never ask you anything about who you are or your life. They aren’t interested to get to know you because it could lead to becoming closer to you.
  • When they talk about committed relationships/marriage they use negative language. They’ll drop subtle hints that they’

I don’t know if any of this is scientific fact that they’re emotionally unavailable but here’s what I’ve picked up on from my experiences:

  • The conversation revolves around them the majority of the time or they rarely ask you questions about yourself. You feel like you constantly need to volunteer information about yourself because they never ask you anything about who you are or your life. They aren’t interested to get to know you because it could lead to becoming closer to you.
  • When they talk about committed relationships/marriage they use negative language. They’ll drop subtle hints that they’re not ready or that it sounds unpleasant to them. For example, when they talk about couples they know it’s always about how bad their relationship is and how they should break up or be single.
  • They refuse to talk about feelings in any regard. You could be ranting to them about your day and how someone at work made you feel stupid and they would change the subject immediately to something like where he wanted to eat. Or, you’d ask him how his day was and all he would say is fine or just everything that he did. You may know facts about him but you don’t know the kind of thoughts he has inside his head.
  • They will never rearrange their daily routine to fit time in for you. They think that if they are changing their routine, even if it may be for just one day, it means they care about seeing you too much. This one guy I used to see would sleep in every Saturday and go for a run with his dog in the afternoon. I asked him if he could meet me for coffee one Saturday afternoon and he said no. I asked him why he couldn’t go for the run after coffee with me and he said he has to do it at the same time every day. He had the rest of the day to do nothing. So ridiculous.
  • They had a devastatingly hard breakup in the past and/or a long string of women they would date but never made it to the commitment stage of the relationship. They’re afraid of getting their heart broken, justifiably so, however it’s not worth your time to try and change their mind. If they do, it’ll be on their own time so don’t waste your energy.

I was involved with someone emotionally unavailable and this is what I noticed from my personal experience:

  1. a sense of loneliness in the presence of my previous partner. We could be doing something, anything, and it just felt empty even though we were engaging in the same activity.
  2. One-sidedness. I felt like I was always the one apologizing for things (even things I didn’t do), felt like I was always blamed for things. I’d express my feelings and they always got turned around to feel like I was the one who was the problem - there was never any responsibility/accountability from my previous partn

I was involved with someone emotionally unavailable and this is what I noticed from my personal experience:

  1. a sense of loneliness in the presence of my previous partner. We could be doing something, anything, and it just felt empty even though we were engaging in the same activity.
  2. One-sidedness. I felt like I was always the one apologizing for things (even things I didn’t do), felt like I was always blamed for things. I’d express my feelings and they always got turned around to feel like I was the one who was the problem - there was never any responsibility/accountability from my previous partner.
  3. Triangulation. There always was a third party in the mix. Whether it was me trying to figure out what was happening in our relationship by talking to friends (mainly because I was confused) or my ex-partner talking behind my back - it was never just the two of us. Also flirting with others while we were together.
  4. Selfishness/Control/Abusive. Similar to number 2 and maybe fits under point number 2. Anyway, always whatever my ex-partner wanted without discussion: where we ate, what furniture was in our place, what clothes I was to wear, etc.
  5. Emotional hooking. If I wanted to do my own thing or even break up there was always some sort of my ex-partner being a victim or engaged in sexual intimacy for the sake of trying to get me back. Even when it was clear I was never coming back EVER.

All of the above are certainly what I saw in a previous relationship. Essentially I just felt more lonely which is not how I generally feel with other people - I’m an extrovert so I love being amongst others. I felt drained.

All led me to a massive sense of confusion. Now I say: DO THE ACTIONS MATCH THE WORDS?

There is a Poem:
Get a bucket & fill it with water
put your arm in it - up to the wrist,
Then pull your arm out & the hole that remains
is a measure of how much you'll be missed.

None of us are irreplaceable in this world. It's wonderful to think so sometimes, but it's never true. If you die on your job, the job vacancy will be in the newspaper before your obituary. It's just a fact of life.

That's why it's so important, that if you care about somebody, you let them know, often, and in many little ways. We are all temporary.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When s

There is a Poem:
Get a bucket & fill it with water
put your arm in it - up to the wrist,
Then pull your arm out & the hole that remains
is a measure of how much you'll be missed.

None of us are irreplaceable in this world. It's wonderful to think so sometimes, but it's never true. If you die on your job, the job vacancy will be in the newspaper before your obituary. It's just a fact of life.

That's why it's so important, that if you care about somebody, you let them know, often, and in many little ways. We are all temporary.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt. They have come to assist you through a hard time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They give you great joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons—things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.

Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.

And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Apologies in advance if what Im about to say reads kinda harsh & a bit too straightforward.


My answer would be, then you need to stop being nice & kind & expecting something in return from things you’ve done.

Here’s the deal & how it’s gonna go - either you be sincere & true in whatever you do, or dont do anything at all. If you find no sincerity in your heart, then don’t do it, whatever it is. Because nothing will come out good from that.

Sincere means, you expect nothing at all in return, whatever it is, no matter how small.

From the question itself, clearly you want something back for have been

Apologies in advance if what Im about to say reads kinda harsh & a bit too straightforward.


My answer would be, then you need to stop being nice & kind & expecting something in return from things you’ve done.

Here’s the deal & how it’s gonna go - either you be sincere & true in whatever you do, or dont do anything at all. If you find no sincerity in your heart, then don’t do it, whatever it is. Because nothing will come out good from that.

Sincere means, you expect nothing at all in return, whatever it is, no matter how small.

From the question itself, clearly you want something back for have been kind, - and that is, for you to be irreplaceable.

When u are sincere, you wouldn’t care about anyone will replace you or not, and worse- actually claimed that you have been kind & nice to others (and there’s now way you deserve whatever it is bothering u now ) - ‘ive been nice & kind - what am i getting from all that?’ .

Well, to be mentioning about that, immediately shows that there was no sincerity at all in anything kind you’ve done - hence made all those act of kindness to be as good as fake. It has never been true act of kindness.

It’s more like, you have been using the act kindness & being nice to get what you want. That is really off mindset & manipulative.

So there you go- since energy will always go both ways & attracting the same type of energy - henceforth, exactly what you’ve been getting from others in return - fake friendship, fake relationships, everything is fake. They won’t last & they will drop u & leave, just like that, as soon as they’ve had enough.

So, please stop doing this to yourself. Because the truth is, you are already acceptable & irreplaceable. So there’s no need for you do anything ‘nice’ for people to be irreplaceable.

There is only one ‘you’ in the whole planet, right? So by common sense, you are irreplaceable by default since the day you were born.

Stop do things for people just ‘to be accepted’. Instead, focus on yourself first, accept yourself as you are & be happy with what you got.

Only after you got all sorted within yourself, you could think of doing something nice for others. And only after then, you will see what it means to give, sincerely.

Take care

Give him one more chance. Make plans now. One more chance, then if it doesn't work out. You now have a sweet plan. Don't even threaten. Just try and if it doesn't work out based on your imaginary qualifications. Then just go, no warning.

Obviously you're easily replaceable.

It's not good to mess with forgiveness requirements. Because it requires a price. He would have to do some major badass work and probably propose to make up for this bs. And he probably wont do what it takes to get forgiveness. For you to actually look with pride that he has overcome this forever.

So unless you are okay with n

Give him one more chance. Make plans now. One more chance, then if it doesn't work out. You now have a sweet plan. Don't even threaten. Just try and if it doesn't work out based on your imaginary qualifications. Then just go, no warning.

Obviously you're easily replaceable.

It's not good to mess with forgiveness requirements. Because it requires a price. He would have to do some major badass work and probably propose to make up for this bs. And he probably wont do what it takes to get forgiveness. For you to actually look with pride that he has overcome this forever.

So unless you are okay with never resolving this and just discounting it as one of those fights. Then it's an uncontrollable factor.

Sure you handled your part. But what about him, he doesn't even know the cause he just knows the effects. An invisible cause that makes you cry.

Sarcasm is the best solution for fights. Because a)it wont be resolved and b)living as an actor in this role really rubs it in, makes it hard to forget some stupid stuff they want everyone to forget.

Why should you have to take responsibility. But with others, it's like let bygones be bygones.

Let bygones be bygones UNLESS IT'S YOUR FAULT!!

Give me a break.