Everyone always replaces me friends, lovers, acquaintances. I’m always nice and kind to others. How can I stop being a person that is easily replaced?

You can’t control other people’s actions. If someone decides that they don’t want to spend their time and attention on you, that is their right. People are not vending machines that you can put kindness and niceness into and expect love and attention to fall out of. If you want to be kind and want to see yourself as a kind person, then continue to be kind. But understand that that’s your choice and let go of this idea that anyone owes you anything for it, including their friendship.

What you can control is how other people’s actions affect you. You can get rid of this idea that you only have va

You can’t control other people’s actions. If someone decides that they don’t want to spend their time and attention on you, that is their right. People are not vending machines that you can put kindness and niceness into and expect love and attention to fall out of. If you want to be kind and want to see yourself as a kind person, then continue to be kind. But understand that that’s your choice and let go of this idea that anyone owes you anything for it, including their friendship.

What you can control is how other people’s actions affect you. You can get rid of this idea that you only have value if you are indispensable. You have as much right as anyone else to choose which people you want to spend time with, because of the value they can add to your life as well as the other way round. If being kind and nice is making you resentful because it’s not giving you the rewards you want, then change your own behaviour rather than blaming others for simply living their lives and taking care of themselves.

Learn about boundaries and assertiveness (and I mean read decent books about them, not just start acting like what you think assertive means). Learn how to value yourself. Of course it’s a disappointment when somebody you care for decides they don’t want you in their life anymore, but that doesn’t mean they’re doing something wrong and it doesn’t mean your self-worth has to take a hit - a disappointment is just a disappointment.

Apologies in advance if what Im about to say reads kinda harsh & a bit too straightforward.


My answer would be, then you need to stop being nice & kind & expecting something in return from things you’ve done.

Here’s the deal & how it’s gonna go - either you be sincere & true in whatever you do, or dont do anything at all. If you find no sincerity in your heart, then don’t do it, whatever it is. Because nothing will come out good from that.

Sincere means, you expect nothing at all in return, whatever it is, no matter how small.

From the question itself, clearly you want something back for have been

Apologies in advance if what Im about to say reads kinda harsh & a bit too straightforward.


My answer would be, then you need to stop being nice & kind & expecting something in return from things you’ve done.

Here’s the deal & how it’s gonna go - either you be sincere & true in whatever you do, or dont do anything at all. If you find no sincerity in your heart, then don’t do it, whatever it is. Because nothing will come out good from that.

Sincere means, you expect nothing at all in return, whatever it is, no matter how small.

From the question itself, clearly you want something back for have been kind, - and that is, for you to be irreplaceable.

When u are sincere, you wouldn’t care about anyone will replace you or not, and worse- actually claimed that you have been kind & nice to others (and there’s now way you deserve whatever it is bothering u now ) - ‘ive been nice & kind - what am i getting from all that?’ .

Well, to be mentioning about that, immediately shows that there was no sincerity at all in anything kind you’ve done - hence made all those act of kindness to be as good as fake. It has never been true act of kindness.

It’s more like, you have been using the act kindness & being nice to get what you want. That is really off mindset & manipulative.

So there you go- since energy will always go both ways & attracting the same type of energy - henceforth, exactly what you’ve been getting from others in return - fake friendship, fake relationships, everything is fake. They won’t last & they will drop u & leave, just like that, as soon as they’ve had enough.

So, please stop doing this to yourself. Because the truth is, you are already acceptable & irreplaceable. So there’s no need for you do anything ‘nice’ for people to be irreplaceable.

There is only one ‘you’ in the whole planet, right? So by common sense, you are irreplaceable by default since the day you were born.

Stop do things for people just ‘to be accepted’. Instead, focus on yourself first, accept yourself as you are & be happy with what you got.

Only after you got all sorted within yourself, you could think of doing something nice for others. And only after then, you will see what it means to give, sincerely.

Take care

There are only 2 possibilities here:

  1. If you’re kind by principle, to the point where the breaking of those principles by others means you stand your ground… then it’s clear that the loss of those people is a good thing, and you just haven’t found your tribe yet;

    On the other hand, if:
  2. you’re kind by fear of reproach, then the main reason you’re being replaced is because you can’t carry your own weight in a relationship. People find it tiring having to reassure you all the time, or having to worry about intimidating you.
    Moreover some people replace you simply because they
    can. They know there’s

There are only 2 possibilities here:

  1. If you’re kind by principle, to the point where the breaking of those principles by others means you stand your ground… then it’s clear that the loss of those people is a good thing, and you just haven’t found your tribe yet;

    On the other hand, if:
  2. you’re kind by fear of reproach, then the main reason you’re being replaced is because you can’t carry your own weight in a relationship. People find it tiring having to reassure you all the time, or having to worry about intimidating you.
    Moreover some people replace you simply because they
    can. They know there’s nothing they can do that can cause you to assert yourself and demand respect. They know they can get away and do whatever they please about you. So they do.

Back your kindness with strong principles. When you do, and people exit your life, you’ll thank them for sparing you the job of filtering your social circle.

One reason that comes to mind, is that you might be too clingy. People who are always nice and never show who they truly are, may be too much for some people. That doesn’t mean that is your situation. People who have had abandonment issues in their life often overcompensate by wanting too much from their friends. When this happens a friend may feel as though you are not giving them enough space and it is easier to just become unavailable. I would start by examining what being nice and kind means to you. This would best be explored with a mental health professional who can guide you.

More importantly, how can you be secure in being you, without needing validation by friends, lovers, or acquaintances?

The one person you have to go through life with is you. The one person you will have, at the end of the day or at the end of your life, is you. Yes, you should try to have and make good friends as you journey through the adventure called “life” but shouldn’t you really be content and happy with your own company, first and foremost? I’m just asking, but it seems elemental, my dear Watson.

People are always going to come and go and your lucky to find some who stick around awhile. It's not so much that your easily replaced, more that you drift in different directions. Living life. Friendships fizzle out, someone did something, it created a rift and soon neither party cares to extend energy to the other. Or nothing happened.

Its hard sometimes but it's the cycle we go through.

Hold your ground, have opinions, don’t let people walk all over you. Stand up for yourself. Be okay if people don’t like you, they will if you hold your ground. Or if they don’t they can fuck off.

People won’t be there all the time and maybe you’re just seeing the vast amount of life that you spend alone as you being replace by someone. That’s not what’s happening.

Befriend yourself first and foremost. You should be irreplaceable to yourself; other people are just visitors to your life.

If you depend on the eyes of other people to value yourself, you will be constantly let down.

Love yourself and you'll have healthier relationships.

You might benefit from paying closer attention to indirect communications — aka tells. If you want to maintain intimacy you should notice the things that interest them, and try to join them both emotionally and intellectually. And… if they stop asking you questions about your thoughts, then you are fading away.

To an extent, your feeling of insecurity is normal. I’ve certainly felt this way before (although I’m not sure if it was to this level of severity).

The feeling of isolation during this pandemic is likely making your worries worse. It’s definitely much harder to tell what your friends are thinking behind a phone screen or a mask.

The best way to “stop being so insecure” is to, well… stop worrying. Stop worrying over things you can’t control.

Remind yourself that real friends will always care about you. They’ll always “like” you unless something bad enough to break the friendship happens. To real

To an extent, your feeling of insecurity is normal. I’ve certainly felt this way before (although I’m not sure if it was to this level of severity).

The feeling of isolation during this pandemic is likely making your worries worse. It’s definitely much harder to tell what your friends are thinking behind a phone screen or a mask.

The best way to “stop being so insecure” is to, well… stop worrying. Stop worrying over things you can’t control.

Remind yourself that real friends will always care about you. They’ll always “like” you unless something bad enough to break the friendship happens. To real friends, you’re not replaceable. If your “friends” truly don’t care about you, then I’d say they aren’t really your friends.

You can’t control whether your friends will like you, and if you tried, it’s possible that their opinion of you would be lowered. If you’re trying to be the best friend that you can be, there’s nothing you can do if your friends decide to break off the friendship.

Trust your friends, care for them, think about things from their perspective, respect their choices. If you do this, your friends will surely do the same for you. If not, then it was likely a toxic friendship anyways. It’s hard to let go of your friends, but a toxic friendship will do you more harm than good.


Besides, friends need to be let alone sometimes. In a figurative sense, friends will always be there for you. But they won’t be always available to talk with you. They have their own lives too. They might just be really busy with their own work.

And honestly, I doubt that anyone would want to talk with the same person for every moment in their day; we all need our alone time. (why else would we get annoyed with our family members so often? ;P)


Remind yourself of the above every day.

And if your feeling of being “replaceable” is really worrying you, reach out to your friends about it. Have an open and honest conversation.

Realize that your friends make mistakes sometimes; they probably don’t realize that you’re having these insecurities. They might even be having these insecurities themselves. Talk it out, and see what you guys can do to solve the problem.

I wish you the best of luck!


(photo from Pexels)

I am not into the candy-coated, suicide-prevention style pep talk here, as his is a very valid question, to anyone who has felt it, and I have definitely felt what you are feeling. So I will spare you the bit about not relying on the approval of others to validate your existance, because you asking this question shows me that you would not so easily just become completely self-preserving, it doesn’t work that way for carring individuals. We think too much. Like about feeling replacable, and some people never think about it. In fact, I am currently trying to not think about it, until I read you

I am not into the candy-coated, suicide-prevention style pep talk here, as his is a very valid question, to anyone who has felt it, and I have definitely felt what you are feeling. So I will spare you the bit about not relying on the approval of others to validate your existance, because you asking this question shows me that you would not so easily just become completely self-preserving, it doesn’t work that way for carring individuals. We think too much. Like about feeling replacable, and some people never think about it. In fact, I am currently trying to not think about it, until I read your question. But that is what you do: just don’t think about it. That is all you CAN do. Until someone makes you feel special again some day. I am waiting too, so we can not think about it together. Because, if you feel that way it is only because you are thinking about it, and anyone would feel that way if they really thougt about it. Do you think your loved ones consider themselves completely necessary to the existance of others. Bottom line is that no matter who I have been in a relationship with, if I had died, they would not remain celibate. So I can think about it until I am stuck in a whole crying and making nobody feel better, or I can try to be someone that although replacable, tops them all, and is unforgetable. And keep in mind how this feels enough that you make sure your loved ones always know how important they are to you. Try to make them feel important. That is a great way to feel like you are irreplaceable. Listen to people and try to find ways to make them happy. Ways that show you really put alot of thought into it. When you go out of your way to make someone else happy, you can rest assured they value you in their lives. ( unless your kids have entitlement issues). No one else does that kinda stuff anymore. So Shine. Or distract yourself. I am combining the two. But we are here for a reason, if we hang in there, I guese we will find out.